Was I not listening to the bazillion times my mother responded to me with “Life’s unfair – get used to it!”
As the travesties of injustice build and gain momentum, I am child-like indignance, mounting frustration, bordering on anger. As I begin to slowly comprehend the “crazy” people of the world who just snap one day, having had far more than they can live with peacefully in ignorance…and more poo after poo piled on their head. Far more than they could ever shovel through or shower off!
I do not have it so badly. People are people, with their self serving ulterior motives and it’s-all-about-me attitudes. Of course…that is the way of the world and I confess on occasion, it is my tendency as well.
My lesson here has been in trust…do not trust…anyone. The more you find yourself buliding trust in another, the faster you should run from them and maintain an attitude of suspicion. People are not innately trustworthy. They aren’t to blame; it’s just human nature. The modern day version of survival of the fittest. Only those whom can create trust with others, while simultaneously caring for their own best interest, are the very people sitting comfortably in the cat bird seats. They know they have the edge over the naivete and desperation of the rest of us. And apparently tunnel vision, while cruising through life, is by far the best perspective. I’m going to be a much happier person if I can tell myself that stepping on someone’s toe in the grocery store was that person’s fault…after all, they got under my foot!! Right? It isn’t that I should be watching where I’m going, taking others around me into account. No, it’s more fitting that I just lolly about my own way and righteously expect others to stay out of my way. It’s perfectly appropriate for me to sneer and/or swear at them under my breath should they choose to not follow this rule.
Likewise, friends who screw you over for their own gain cannot be blamed. Only the fool who puts themselves in a close enough proximity to get screwed over can be blamed. They are the one’s going the wrong way down the one-wa streets of the tunnel of life…it’s walls plastered with indignant red graffiti screaming, “ME, ME, ME” “It’s my world, the rest of you just live in it!” “ME, ME, ME” “Don’t forget to look out for number one – ME”
I realize that my growing resentment and frustration results merely from the silly presumption that we are morally responsible to the other human beings on this earth. It is my fault after all. If I were going the correct way down this tunnel, were my tunnel marked with the appropriate graffiti, then I would not get under other’s feet on their way through minding their own business…others would get under mine of course! Perhaps then, I should even be completely unaware that I’ve trampled anyone and the few who dare to point out that I did, I would release my furiously righteous indignance that they had the nerve to get under my foot.
I am a slow learner, but I do believe I’m starting to learn this ugly truth. Kindness does not get the right-of-way on these streets and tunnels. Kindness merely gets underfoot of the righteous people doing their own thing, watching their own backs for survival of the fittest, which will clearly never include the kind-people. They get trampled first..and while they are busy apologizing for getting under another’s foot (GASP- the NERVE!), they get blindsided by the next truck cruising along looking out for Number One.
Will I fully comprehend and have the ability to utilize this lesson in life before I’m 80? Or am I going to continue to insist that since I have it morally correct, then I should continue to ignore reality and merely plan for the high cost of regular, chronic medical attention to help me put all my pieces back together after the tramplings?
Someday, I will learn. I must. Someday, I will scrub away all the graffiti of kindness mantras plastered all over my tunnel and replace them with screaming reminders of ME!