Rinse and repeat

  1. So, that’s a good start!!  I went through with it and he was every bit as terrific as on our first date…

The red car was suddenly there Thursday morning and stayed for some time.  I can’t help but wonder and wish so much I didn’t even know.  I have no interest in knowing these things because I’m way too interested…so much more than I want to be.  Interesting that the car’s presence itself was not all that difficult, just the length of time it stayed…  Brought back memories and I don’t want to think that (a similar scenario?) is happening!  How many Wednesdays there have been spent in random sexual encounters anyway?  I’m sure too many to count, but then I remember I was originally a Wednesday too…so I have to accept that anything can happen.  No matter how unlikely it might seem to me.  It’s really not at all that unlikely.  That is wishful thinking and I do not want it. 

Why should any base substance inside of me care one way or another?  That is so unfair, I could just whine like a baby over it till the day I die!   And who on earth would I waste so much time and energy doing that?  I will not.  I perceived the situation, thought of a million scenarios (good and bad) and then let my feelings wash over me like a heavy cleansing rain, hoping they would subside as soon as they were acknowledged and allowed to flow…  That didn’t so much work, but I’m proud of my effort!

I lose all elements of creativity and inspiration when I suppress these things.  And it only hurts terribly when I let them flow.  Where is the middle ground for someone like me in this position?

I am really trying and although I question why I’m still in the position to have to try this hard, I want to be grateful that I completed a second date with JK and tell myself that IS the baby step in the right direction of change that I’ve been praying for.  …tell myself over and over and over…until it might become real….

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