Randoms about me
I am just a girl who loves to write! Writing has been my answer to most everything for as long as I can remember… Feel sad? Write. Happy? Write? Are ya mad? Go write! I write everything: stories, poetry, diaries, reports…I have to write!I used to be the girl next door…I have now evolved into something else, although I’m not quite sure just what that is yet. I was the homecoming queen who never understood why. The girl who never felt she quite fit in, although no one would have ever guessed I felt that way or believed I did. I’ve moved a great deal in my life and struggle to get close to people, although I have always longed to know what it feels like to have that connection with others.
I am a solitary social buterfly. I am a celibate tramp, a structured nut case, a devoted infidel… I love everything and everyone and yet I love nothing. I believe in peace and faith and yet no longer can find those places inside myself. Out of sheer chaos and confusion, I have begun a spiritual journey to my divine self and to the divinity of everything. I love yoga and Buddha. I adore Anais Nin and Emily Dickinson. I am madly in love with someone and have no clue any more why I am or if I should be…or was I ever really even? I question everything now and very little makes sense to me anymore. Faith was my strength and it has atrophied, leaving me sort of spinning around in circles trying to figure out where I am.
I love ballet. I fight against things like child abuse. I believe everyone should spend a considerable portion of their life volunteering their time to help those less fortunate…or those more fortunate….whoever… we as people need to help others. It should be a requirement.
I get confused when people say I’m beautiful. I don’t know that I even understand what that means. I’ve never been sure if that’s a great compliment or a subtle insult and I fluctuate between believing either one at any given moment. Regarding that, I only know that being considered beautiful has brought a great deal of hardship to my life. It has created that disconnect from most and even unadulterated hatred from some. Did I ask for that? No, thank you. It is my demise. I strive only to be vividly interesting and a beautiful human being.
I can tend to be annoyingly naive because there are some things in this world so ugly I just do not choose to accept. I am hypersensitive at times and exceedingly emotional. I am a natural empath and have carried that curse/blessing always, at times desperate to shut it off and wonder why I, of all people, should have been given such a cruelly humane characteristic. This has been my second demise…
I have surrendered to love. I am devoted to my journey, wherever it takes me. I am confident and scared. I am trusting and suspicious. I am open and frequently misunderstood. I no longer look to be understood. I only want to understand. I am many conflicting things all at the same time.
I am just a girl who loves to write…..in circles…in squares….in the margins…on fresh sheets of notebook paper…on hotel stationery…in different colors…in cursive or print or Word…on napkins….on your soul…from my heart.
Jul 01, 2008 @ 10:43:34
Well, for what it is worth, you write very well.
Jul 13, 2008 @ 10:06:47
Celibate tramp? Hehehe…. that’s cute!
Jul 13, 2008 @ 10:46:21
Thank you! Guess it’s easy to be cute about the crazy contradictions in oneself…Gotta love em:-)
Jul 18, 2008 @ 14:13:08
hola
I hope you don’t mind that I’ved add your blog to my list of “Good Reads.”
I think that you have interesting things to say, and believe that it is right that others have the opportunity to experience you in the virtual world of mind bubbles and blogs
cheers!
James
Jul 18, 2008 @ 15:01:55
Thank you James! Mind? Gosh, I take that as a wonderful compliment, especially after reading your writing and musings(which I adore)! I’ve always written….always…and like a mad woman actually and as it’s very new for me to have ANY of these things out for public consumption, I’m beyond delighted to discover that someone might actually enjoy what I’m so passionate and adamant about doing:-) Blessings to you and …~Namaste~
Jul 19, 2008 @ 06:17:24
Wow. I feel like I have met a kindred. The part where you write about being the girl next door, the homecoming queen, a solitary social butterfly, not knowing whether beautiful is a compliment…I can relate to your words completely.
Thank you for visiting my blog. I would love for you to add my art from time to time and look forward to chatting to you more
Jul 19, 2008 @ 06:30:23
Really? I am amazed at how technology helps so much to identify those threads of likeness… Just when you think you are alone with certain chacteristics, you happen across another soul who reminds you that underneath it all and as separate as we (all) may feel at times, we really are all one:-) Thank you for reading and bless you for identifying…
~Namaste~
Jul 20, 2008 @ 08:55:54
I can relate to so much that you have shared. I didn’t know that aside from your spiritual path, you were also a writer. We have that in common as well! If you have a chance, stop by my other blog, http://www.afallenangelspeaks.wordpress.com; it’s my creative blog.
There are lot of interesting and touching words to read here and I’ll be coming back for more visits. I’m glad you found my Path blog; please come back and read more. It has truly helped me to find the love, self-understanding and self-acceptance that I craved from the time I was a child. If you delve into it further, you will find it helpful and validating.
Thanks for adding me to your blogroll; I’m putting you on both of mine. Take care.
Melana x
Jul 20, 2008 @ 09:38:06
Melana, I have commented in response to this on your blog. And, at the risk of redundancy(which I confess I’m often guilty of), suffice to say (again): You really can have no idea how comforting and refreshing your words are to my soul…as is your presence in this world.
Jul 23, 2008 @ 05:32:09
hello there! it is funny. I have just started to write in a blog myself and even though my posts are more trivial (http://izaceci.wordpress.com), in a lot of ways I feel exactly the same!
I truly think all this is due to the society we live in and the way we are raised to be able to survive in this jungle!
Keep up with your writing and never stop dreaming, not even if you are awake!
huge hugh! ;0)
Jul 23, 2008 @ 06:06:12
Thanks for visiting izaceci! I have to tell you, I laughed just a bit when I read, “and even though my posts are more trivial”….. I consider mine trivial as well! Isn’t most every personal experience (the mundane or the profound) seemingly trivial to anyone but yourself? I don’t know these things for certain, but I take that as a compliment and I appreciate your time to read my own trivials:-) I will certainly visit yours and read as well… ~Namaste~
Jul 25, 2008 @ 08:14:13
no worries, my pleasure!,… and I did not mean at all yours were trivial!
every person is a whole world, so the only posts I can consider trivial are the ones of the person I “think” I know the most… me!
take care and keep writing and making gifts
Cheers a lot!
Oct 22, 2008 @ 11:06:22
you have a good habit
good luck
Nov 29, 2008 @ 18:08:17
Thank you Jasmine! Thanks for reading and for commenting:-)
~Namaste~
Mar 21, 2009 @ 02:15:41
“I am a natural empath and have carried that curse/blessing always, at times desperate to shut it off and wonder why I, of all people, should have been given such a cruelly humane characteristic. This has been my second demise…”
You know, for some reason I never have popped into your About page. Today, the above passage you wrote struck me. These could have been my own words so many times.
A curse, yes, or a blessing. Lots of thought on this.
–Pearl
Mar 21, 2009 @ 07:56:40
For years, this felt like a gift- having this wonderful ability to actually feel what others are feeling. It was like a beautiful gift of constant compassion I could give to the world. Now, as I’m older and life has knocked me around some, I long to shut it off!
Given that you so often and eloquently write of my very feelings, knowing we share this does indeed make me wonder many things…and again to count my blessings to have your words and your presence in my world.
~K
Mar 21, 2009 @ 13:55:25
What came to mind was that you are an empath with compassion. There are empaths without compassion as well. They are particularly hard for us to keep our equalibrium around, for many reasons. Yet the common thread seems to bring us together, and we are stunned by them. Remembering that they are not the same as us is difficult, and necessary.
Some of your writing makes me think on this, and reminds me. I see some of myself, the life I have had, the sometime wanting too, to shut that seeing/feeling off.
You have a gift for putting into words what many would want only to hide away. I can appreciate that. –Pearl
Jun 22, 2010 @ 12:46:59
hi lost in translation
I gave you a little gift on my blog. No requirements for accepting. Just a way to say thank you, esp., for loving to write.
You’ll see it in my post, “Warrior Women with Blogs”
dogkisses
Aug 21, 2010 @ 16:45:33
Hi there! I still love this post
I learned a new word today: hypergraphia –thought you might enjoy knowing it if you haven’t heard of it. It’s where you have to write, everything, or anything I guess, anywhere or sometimes, everywhere. I found the link on a great blog I like, IconDoIt. It’s in one of her latest posts. Sorry I’ve been out of touch and hoping you and yours, 4-legged too, are doing well.
Aug 31, 2010 @ 10:11:36
How serendipitous Kisses that I’ve not been on to check my blog here in months, but I did today for some weird reason..and there’s a comment from YOU
Thank you for sharing your new word… I can’t believe I’ve never heard it before, as I’ve clearly suffered from this “hypergraphia” since I was old enough to hold a pen! In fact, before the age of 15, I had a keepsake box where I collected everything I wrote: notes, thoughts, lists, limericks… lots of ridiculous things and otherwise. Even the mundane things felt oddly special because I’ve always written by compulsion…almost by a literal, physical *need*. In middle school through college, I was best known by my constant hair “accessory” – a PEN…bc I had a chronic fear of not being able to write when I needed …hehe.. And I now have a word to describe this!!
Things here are well, changing and different, but then, that’s probably just what I needed….Blessings to you, my friend. I’m so glad you haven’t forgotten me!! xo♥
Aug 31, 2010 @ 17:05:20
Oh, I could never forget you. You’re sweet. I too couldn’t believe I’d never heard of the word! I wonder, are we hypergraphia(s)?
It’s hard moving and changing, I know. I hope things feel like home to you soon. Hoping your 4-legged is well too.
Peace and blessings,
dogkisses
Oct 14, 2011 @ 01:44:49
::ping!::
Is that a pin I hear dropping? Awful quiet in here.
I hope you are madly scribbling away somewhere just around the corner, in a crazy flowered notebook.
Pearl
Nov 26, 2011 @ 09:05:09
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Pearl…as usual..you are absolutely, uncannily(is that even a word? haha) correct!!!
Nov 26, 2011 @ 09:12:39
Miss Pearl, Please forgive the sloppiness of the pic of my notebook. I truly need “posting photos on WordPress 101″ classes!!
Anyway…as of yesterday, I finally was able to save up enough money to buy my daughters and I another computer to replace the one’s we lost in the “unfortunate move”!!!
Yaayyyy me:) …and, as usual, you have no idea just how much joy your comment gave me. I’m so glad you’ve not forgotten me in my longgggg dead silence! Can’t wait to catch up on your amazing posts!! xoxo <3